She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
