I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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