I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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