Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
