I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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