Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
