i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
