I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
