Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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