I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm passing your future prison.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
