I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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