apparently the secret to your success is patron
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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