I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
