He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need to calm my uterus...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
