You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
