Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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