Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
