One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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