I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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