I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
