i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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