I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
