sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
