so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
