i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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