Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
