Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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