mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
