Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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