Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
