i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
