Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
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Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
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We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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