I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
