we made out on top of his cat.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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