No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
