my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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