i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
nutella sex= disaster
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize