What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
