It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
