So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
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I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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