Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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