your thong is hanging out like whoa
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
