dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
