oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
