just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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