Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
