The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
