A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
