I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
