They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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