its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
