I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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