I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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