oh god the rape fog is back!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
