Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
