i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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