I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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