dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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