first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
