Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
