I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
