And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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