Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
