RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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