hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
