At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
