No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
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Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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