I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
