ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize