I heard we made out
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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