He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
