If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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