Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize