he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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