What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
