I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
