You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
