I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
