she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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