Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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